Tag Archives: insomnia

Cha cha changes

I have a new doctor. He’s proactive and says I can do better than ok. He’s changed my meds from 150mg of zoloft to 5mg of lexapro. Now for the new side effects. What fun!

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Update

I thought things would be better when I moved back. They are not.

I’m living in the country by myself which is great but everytime I come up to the city I am insomniac once more.

I feel like my skin is alien. I am not me. The drugs are killing my mind. My words are gone. My breath is gone. My agility and balance are gone. I haven’t showered in over a week. My hands tremble and my head aches.

I am going back to conselling soon. I hope that this one will be better than the last one cos I can’t put up with another crappy shrink.

Am I going to be depressed for ever? Is that a life?

Mania is my new buzz

The extra 50mgs of zoloft are definiately doing something. I feel antsy and crazy and weird but I haven’t cut myself (much) in the past two days. I have diarrohea of the mouth. My mother just arrived to help me with the transition to europe and I just spilled my guts to her. I told her everything – the cutting, the depression, the drugs, the possible heart defect. I don’t ever tell my mother this kind of thing. It’s very unlike me and I feel very weird about it. But I can’t shut the fuck up. She’s playing it cool but I can see that I’ve shocked her.

On another topic, I love xanax

no subject

It is so much easy to cut with a razor blade than a scissors. The razor is clean and makes patterns in my skin.

The thing about cutting is that while the moment is calming, the aftermath is annoying, messy and painful.

Still cannot sleep. Took half an ambien and still couldn’t sleep.

I gave up smoking and still can’t sleep.

Whiskey, Foxtrot, Tango

Coming out as a mental case

I’m still awake. I may take an ambien to knock me out.

My sister is a good person

My sister is a good person

My sister is a good person

My sister is a good person

My sister is a good person

My sister is a good person

My sister is a good person

My sister is a good person

I’m sure she didn’t mean to be do dismissive when I told her I was mental.

I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t know what PTSD and Compassion Fatigue are but does not sound good.

You don’t know that it is? How about you google it you asshat?

You’ll probably feel well again once you take time off. I think changing your life is the sensible thing to do it you feel depressed.

Chin up.

Cos depression is just a bad mood that anyone can shake off  /sarcasm

Does anyone else stay awake for two days straight? I can’t even think clearly. I know my sister didn’t mean to hurt me. Like I said, she’s a good person. I’m taking an ambien and going to bed now. Goodnight.

48 hours

I’ve been awake for 48 hours. My body is wreaked but my mind is racing. Thoughts of home and family.

I’ve taken two ambien with no effect.

Arggggg

Is laughter the best medicine?

So apparently I’ve been sick which is why I’m so tired, well that and insomnia. I’ve also been bitten by many ants and my ankles are itchy. Bloody ants.

Maybe more cowbell is the answer or maybe some Blackadder