Tag Archives: family

Christmas is a time to fight

i’ve left one hell and entered another. Bloody parents sniping at each other and not understanding that depression means that I DO NOT WANT to attend their stupid dinner parties.

There’s got to be some kinda way out of here.

Fucking holidays 😦


Mania is my new buzz

The extra 50mgs of zoloft are definiately doing something. I feel antsy and crazy and weird but I haven’t cut myself (much) in the past two days. I have diarrohea of the mouth. My mother just arrived to help me with the transition to europe and I just spilled my guts to her. I told her everything – the cutting, the depression, the drugs, the possible heart defect. I don’t ever tell my mother this kind of thing. It’s very unlike me and I feel very weird about it. But I can’t shut the fuck up. She’s playing it cool but I can see that I’ve shocked her.

On another topic, I love xanax

My mother

My mother posted anonymously on my other blog in her usual fucking preachy manner. Does she honestly think that I don’t know it’s her. My mother was my first feminist influence but I think she’s losing it, lecturing me on finding a man to provide for me, dress the part, have babies – makes me want to vomit. I am secondary to no one and I can’t believe that she won’t stop lecturing me even though I’m a couple of months shy of my thirties. Is she ever going to stop treating me like a child?

She should understand. She couldn’t stand her mother either.

My mother

My mother, who was my first feminist influence, just told me that I should let a man provide because it’s hard wired into them and supports their ego. Well I’m shocked. I am not here to support a man’s ego. I am not going to laugh at their jokes, if the jokes aren’t funny or titter when they wink at me. I am a equal partner and I am not going to spend my life supporting another ego – my own is already a load to bear 😉

Another thing that seriously irks me about my mother is her self-sacrifice. Woman stand up for yourself. Say no. Don’t let yourself be taken advantage of by domineering friends. My retired mother is doing scut work for one of her bloody artist friend’s who thinks she is too good to do it herself. The situation raises my fucking blood pressure, not to mention my mother’s.