Choice is the key. I was longing to go home this week. Longing to see my family. I even cried for my mother. I was at breaking point – ready to harm myself just to get home. It’s easy to say much less easy to do. I had lunch with my dear Kath who is the most sensible of women, and she called me out on a number of points.
She made me realise that the simple truth is, yes I can go home. I can go home and stay there as long as I like. However the key to everything, is that I can leave home again. It’s not like I’ll have to stay there forever. I can go to Kenya and stay with M+L or my sister or to anywhere else really. It’s obvious but it made a huge difference. I can go home and I can leave home again. I swear that you could have seen a light go off above my head.
Knowing my choices is the key. I can deal with staying in Hell for now because I can choose to leave and go anywhere (finances permitting). I have no children, no obligations besides my job. It is so liberating to know my choices. Life has been easier a bit since that incredibly obvious realisation.
Now if I could only sort my illness and depression out I’d be on top of the world