Tag Archives: boys

Headfucker

I am fairly damn proud of myself. BG called me yesterday. He wanted to go to dinner. I said no and gave no reason. Yay for me. No more headfucking for you BG.

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Fear

Last Friday I was told by BG the man who had repeatedly claimed to love me that he now has a new girlfriend, but he still likes me. He was headfucking me all evening. I was upset and coped with it by diving headfirst into a bottle of vodka. I emerged again later that evening, crying in the corner of a nightclub. K was hooking up with South African guy and I don’t know what possessed her but she introduced me to Nigerian who she didn’t know. Almost all my experiences with Nigerians has been negative.

I told him that I was not interested in meeting someone new and to please leave me alone. He didn’t and I walked away from him. K went looking and she found me in tears (as usual). He followed her and she left him with him. I was crying and this fucker was telling me how much he loved me and that he would kill himself if I didn’t go out with him. After 10 minutes of asking him to leave me alone, I snapped and started screaming at him to get the fuck away from me.

He kept insisting that he loved me so I grabbed Evans and told me that we were leaving right then. We went walkabout to the next bar. The Nigerian followed me proclaiming his love. I was screaming at him to get away from me, that I wasn’t interested and that I would call my tough guys if he didn’t leave me alone. Evans and I had one drink in that bar and then left. We were supposed to meet K and South African guy but they had already left.

The Nigerian was still waiting for me outside the war. It really freaked me out. I started to get very scared. This guy had been following me for over an hour. Nothing I could say would dissuade him that I was NOT interested. When he repeated that he would kill himself, I heard “I’ll kill you” because what’s a pronoun or two in an act of violence. Was also scared that he would demonstrate his “love” by raping me. This was a genuine fear.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t dare go home yet. I know it’s not good to generalise for any nationality but I’ve had some awful experiences, like this one, with Nigerian men. It’s always the men – the women are lovely. It’s not I problem I’ve had with Kenyans, Sierra Leonians, Congolese, Ghanians, Algerians etc. It’s just Nigerians and I’m through giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Part of the problem is their treatment of women and their utter lack of respect for women’s choices. This guy like so many before did not take no for an answer. I was stalked for months by a Nigerian neighbour. I’ve had to physically push men off me on more than one occasion. As shitty as Hell is, and it is, I’ve never felt in danger here before last Friday. That fucker reintroduced fear into my like and I’m so angry at him for that.

Innocence regained

My neck is still sore from Ken’s hickey fest. Weird that I’ve kissed more gay boys than straight boys this year. One would think that gay boys don’t want to snog girls but I’ve found that this is not so. Lips are lips and boys are rough. It’s passionate, it’s exciting and it’s without fear or reservation.

I am remembering my one-time obsession with vampires this week. Each time I touch the marks on me I think of biting and fucking vampire style or at least vampire-fantasy style but whatever about kissing gay boys, fucking is out of the question.

It’s lovely when there are no mutual expectation and it feels innocent to snog a boy again and know it’s not going any further and that there is no possibility of it going further. I don’t have to make a choice to have sex or not because there is no possibility. Just the pure pleasure of two humans kissing regarding of gender or orientation. I love genderfucking.

I’m back

I’m back from hiatus or writers’ strike or I found a cure for laziness. Whatevs. I’m back to ramble on about nothing of interest.

I went home for a while. I escaped Hell’s fiery clutches for a few weeks and earned a reprieve to civilisation. I was not one week back in Civ when I met a boy – a cute, sexy, biochemist who can’t spell. Being a bit of a obsessive-compulsive when it comes to spelling and grammar, I should be instantly repulsed but of course my lust took over. I’ve never enjoyed fucking so much. Hunger really is the best sauce. I heartily recommend it – how invigorating sex is, eh!

Of course my reprieve was temporary and I returned to my own personal Hell, where there are no sexy, cute, biochemists and it is too hot to fuck enthusiastically. Oh well, my boy, BG is coming back into town soon. He’s single now. Maybe if the aircon was to be turned on well before, enthusiastic fucking might be a possibility!

Also snogged a gay guy on Saturday. He left hickies all over my neck and told me scandalous gossip about B and his tendencies towards other men. It would be easier if he would come out of the closet but he has to make that decision himself. Outting someone is not fair.

My contract in Hell lasts another year. Hope it’s a year with plenty of enthusiastic fucking.

Illness part 2

Just found out that Evans may be faking illness too. Crap that is not good. He’s not the world’s best actor ever. Idiot boy. This will through my plot into disarray. One wouldn’t want Evans around when one makes a grab for world power. He’s try it too.

Dealing

Well another shitty weekend. Got hammered on Friday, insulted half the city and drunkenly fucked a random backpacker. Broke down crying in Doc’s arms on Saturday and didn’t get any sleep last night. I need to get out of here even if it’s just for a weekend.

Nasty week but it’s almost over

It is truly amazing how bitchy people can be. If you are going to stab me, at least have the fucking courtesy to do it to my face and not aim squarely for my back. I’d much rather Slutty be honest and tell me that she wants Doc instead of whispering in his ear. She had the temerity to presume to know my feelings and then communicate them to him

– Oy. You know DS is in love with you? Right. She’s having a tough time transitioning from love to friendship.

Well you know what bitch, bring it. Apart from your annoying tendency to always choose one night stands over friendship and your concerted effort to have sex with every boy/man in the country, you are a fucking ugly person – body and soul.

Luckily Doc’s a good guy and doesn’t say this outright to you Slutty. He just gives you enough rope to hang yourself and you do every single time because you cannot keep your hands of somebody else’s man. You fancy yourself a manipulator but you betray yourself with your eyes and insincere enthusiasm.

Life is better today than it was yesterday. My dear Cokehead is getting better. It’s almost the weekend and everyone is gone away except Visitor, Sister, Doc and presumably Doc’s spanking new girlfriend (presumably without the spanking cos of the virgin thing). Yes indeed Doc has a girlfriend who is not me. So for some vengeance and comfort I might make out with Evans on the dance floor of Garden Bar tonight. Last weekend he may have been holding her hand but his eyes were on me.

He confessed, as did I, that he fancies me and would want a relationship with me if we were elsewhere but because we are in Hell, I’m too important as a friend to risk losing over a lovers tiff. He was completely sincere. And I agree. He is right. But I don’t like that he’s dating another girl. She is so boring and she takes time away from us. She takes him away from me. And when I have a few drinks taken, I sure do feel abandoned.

It’s been a really harsh week – Doc’s girlf, Cokehead’s hospitalisation, entertaining Visitor until late each evening and having to work the next day. Tonight is drowning sorrows night and I hope they haven’t learned to swim.