Cold black cloud

Still don’t know what to do. Lay tossing and turning all night long. The sleeping pills are not working any more. My shrink is using me. My doc is a fucking asshole. My best friend betrayed me and I can’t get no sleep.

My dreams are horrific –

  • FB and IB raping and humiliating me, smiling all the while
  • Being on a tall building watching a city flood and people drown and nearly drown myself and then trying to find somewhere quietly to fuck my brains out with a random guy

Can’t stop thinking about the words between Ceili and me. I play them over and over till my head spins. I try to block them out but so far it’s not working.

Even on meds, I’m depressed and now I distrust my shrink

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