Sometimes I hate the ambition that has brought me to Hell. I want to be the best in my field, get paid the most, get the most recognition. I want to rule my field by working for the best organisation. But that means I have to pay my dues, which is what I’m doing now. I pay my dues by working a shit job. I work as a volunteer. I file documents. I am ambitious and ambition should be made of sterner stuff. I choose Hell because of my ambitions.
What what point though does the end not justify the means. How much more time do have have to spell in Hell? How much is my will to continue worth? How much more of this life can I take?
My contract is for six months. I suppose I should be grateful that there is a light at the end of the tunnel but I am afraid that the job I am contracted for, may take longer. That scares me big time. All my friends are leaving but at the moment I hardly care. I am a world away from my family and I think of returning home and working in an undemanding job so I can just live. Here I hate my job even if it is the path to the high life. I hate Hell and I hate the lack of romantic potential here.
I will stick it out. I will prove that I am made of this sterner stuff. I will finish my three years in Hell. I wonder how much of me will be left afterwards.