I’m confused again sort of. I guess I’m surprised that I’m feeling the way I am.
Doc and I had a conversation last night. He told me that he fancies me, he loves me and at the beginning of our acquintance he wanted to date me. However, that has changed. He said that I became to good a friend to risk going out with. He says he values his friendship with me too much to try. He told me in another time/place we would be together.
I think that this is a good thing. He is not trying to put me off or get rid of me. I’m so relieved that he does fancy me. I thought I was going crazy with all the mixed signals… the eternal does he doesn’t he conundrum.
So now he has a girlfriend. I cannot discern much from him. He seems very ambivalent. I know, it seems like I’m making excuses but he is completely honest with me. This girl told him she was in love with him and I think he’s basically being a gentleman.
Anyway I’m happy and not jealous because I know that she can never touch our friendship. Plus last night he was looking at me with love. We may get together in the future. For now, I am content with the situation. I feel so vindicated. I just needed to know he felt the same way. Nothing has to happen of a sexual nature. It’s all requited and that’s enough for me.
In other news – successful day 5 of diet. Long may it continue. I’m smoking again. Not much but enough. In fact I may go for one now as my internet just fucked up!