Life and apathy

I’m literally sick of this country. I’m running a fever that I suspect has no physical cause. I’m totally drained from the utter mundaneness of my job, the lack of sex (important of the hierarchy of needs), sick of boys playing games with me and utterly done with this country.

BG’s playing again. He’s just back from visiting his girlfriend and having just landed sent me a sweetheart text. He comes on so strong and then pulls back and I’m sick of his shit. He won’t cheat on her, bully for him, but he has no qualms about playing with my fucking emotions.

Evans after half kissing me last week is once again sleep with MKen which irritates me. Why is everything so crappy at the moment.

Everything about this country pisses me off. It is never quiet. The noise penetrates each and every moment. The pollution makes me sick. The boredom consumes my soul until all is left is apathy. I am totally apathetic. There is nothing to do here : no cinema, theatre or even going for a walk. Walking here is an exercise in self-destruction. The people laugh and point fingers and every five seconds vendors and taxis insist you take a lift with them.

My work is necessary but I’m unpaid and overworked. Worst still is the lack of accomplishment I feel. The job is soul destroying – sorting through papers and putting the paper in folders is my job. A monkey could do it. Well a monkey that can read, obviously.

I don’t know the solution. Friends and family would say to pack up and go home, but that means defeat. Worse still I have to decide to continue this job next year or not. On the one hand, I hate it here but it is a job in my chosen sector. If I leave there is no guarantee I’ll find another job. Oh decisions.


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