Fat does not equal depressed and depressed does not equal fat

I made an ecard here. I heart that site. It brings a little light into my cynical heart.

Bite me

Ricky Gervais on fat people

And what a hater he is.

The typical troll – “fat people are fat because they eat too much and don’t exercise”. Did it feel good to get the cheap laughs Gervais? Anyone fancy a dash of sexism with the hate?

This just in: being fat causes depression

Throughout my life, doctors have blamed my fat for bee-stings, broken ankle, PCOS, diabetes (I only have/had two of those four – guess which ones!). Today my doctors will be falling on their knees and praising the lord that they finally have something else to blame my fat for – my depression!

Warning: “Monster sarcasm rally” ahead

According to John “Try My Fad to Cure Your Depression” Hubert, I’m depressed because I’m fat!

There is never one singular cause to depression but a poor diet has been shown to play a role in the development of depression and a good diet has been shown to lift depression. There are different opinions as to whether your weight makes you depressed or you gain weight because you are depressed. For instance, was the person depressed so they ate to calm their emotions, or did the depression appear after you were already overweight.

Poor fatty iz doin it rong. Eat the lettuce not the twinkies. Cos all fat people stuff themselves every day and thin people are never depressed. I wonder what the cut off weight is for depression?

The WHO (World Health Organization) identifies depression as the number one cause of disability in the United States. People who are obese are often depressed and so are people having eating disorders.

Overgeneralisation much? The medical profession has been so kind to us fatties that we just pour out fucking hearts out to fabulous doctors. We are depressed. Why? Because we’re fat.

Diet therapy for depression has been studied since the 1950’s. It has shown that your body and your brain need adequate vitamins and minerals to function. There is little evidence to support diet therapy alone, but there is much evidence that the depletion of certain nutrients are linked to depression.

Fish oil cures depression. Probably makes fatties thin too.

There have been studies that implicate being overweight as leading to their depression, especially in women. Some overweight individuals have low self esteem and self worth and use food to calm themselves in a vicious cycle.

Yeah fat women can’t stop eating and therefore have low self-esteem. Fuck you very much. I am depressed and fat and the two things are not linked. I am fairly happy with my body and have given up the fantasy being thin because it is a fantasy and I live in reality.

Studies have not been able to prove one way or another that weight causes depression, or depression causes the weight gain. According to the Archives of General Psychiatry (2006), the depression and obesity link were equal for men and women.

Studies have proved neither because the causal link is tenuous at best. How scienterrific* of you!

Depression for some can increase their appetite. Depressed people do not have the energy to exercise. Being overweight or obese carries stigma and negative connotations leading to depression. In desperation people may tun to fad diets that promise to get the weight off quickly.

Fad diets why are they bad is because they can contribute to depression.Trying one diet after another (yoyo dieting) is bad for your system. You will be continuously disappointed because the weight will not stay off and this can lead to feelings of failure and depression.

If you believe your diet is connected to your depression, you can go to your doctor and have some blood tests to see what nutrients your body may be lacking. Your doctor can tell you if you need dietary supplements or not.

Fish oil anyone?

Dietary deficiencies are common in fad diets. Poor diets that some people eat regularly can contribute to depression. If you consider all the facts it seems like going on a proper diet would relieve your depression symptoms. Can a change in your diet lead to your depression cure?

Unlikely. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain.

A proper diet that would help you lose weight and keep the pounds off are what you need. There are many commercial diet plans out there to try, or you can simply count calories your self. Avoid diets that are less than 1200 calories or promise fast weight loss. Most people can lose weight on 1500 calore diet.

No they can’t. Diets don’t work.

Om [sic] a 1500 calorie diet you will be able to feel satisfied. You can lose one to two pounds a week this way. It may take a little longer to lose the weight but it will be worth what you have learned about eating healthy, and the weight will stay off.

Again no, that’s in incorrect. Given this many errors, I wonder that “Curing depression” actually cures depression. Is he selling fish (snake) oil?

Fad diets are bad because diets do not work. That they cause depression is unproven. I’m bored with snarking this article. I started it to avoid work because work is shit and I was outraged at yet-another-fad- depression-cure-and-fatty-blaming article. I had to look this up because fatty or not I’ve never counted calories. According to WebMD:

According to the formula, a 25-year-old man who exercises 30 to 60 minutes every day with moderate or vigorous activity should eat about 2,800 calories a day, while a sedentary 65-year-old woman needs just 1,600 calories. An active 45-year-old man needs 2,600 calories, while an active woman of the same age needs 2,000 (also for 30 to 60 minutes of exercise each day).

So 1500 calorie diet is enough to live on, barely, but even supposing that being fat causes depression, one is hardly likely to cure it on 1500 calorie diet.

* h/t The Health Institute of Nutrition

Like OMG “exercise cures depression”!

I put a few more exclamation marks in the title but had to remove them again. I’m a bit of a grammar freak. I am sick and tired of hearing this bullshit.

Investigators found that adults treated with group-based exercise did just as well as those treated with antidepressant drugs.

Dr Blumenthal from Duke says “There is growing evidence that exercise may be a viable alternative to medication.” Although they are still some more tests until they decided to tell to tell their patients to throw their pills off a cliff and run back home!!

Also, researchers at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Centre said in a study solely dedicated to looking at how exercise reduces depression, that people who exercise for 30 minutes 3-5 times a week showed a 50% drop in depression. Even those who exercised moderately registered a 30% decline. This is great news for women with PCOS.

Being a fan of “the natural way” I am pretty glad that pharmaceutical companies are unable to patent exercise!!

OMG who’d a thunk it. I am sick and tired of this useless fucking cliche – exercise cures everything! Why are people getting sick in the entire world when exercise and bloody fish oil are miracles cures? Nice that a hormonal disorder can be treated with exercise. Pay no attention to the conditionals in the quote above.

I believe in the benefits of exercise, the joy of finishing a workout and the ability to walk up stairs but exercise is not a miracle cure for any disease. I exercise for 30 minutes 3 to 5 times a week and not only does my weight not decrease but neither does my fucking depression

And nice job leaving out the people who cannot exercise for whatever reason. What? They have to just suffer from an endocrine imbalance? Great job on inclusiveness there Gemma Taylor. From your article, I don’t know if you’re ever had depression but I doubt it. You don’t ‘shiny happy people’ depressed people with a miracle cure. There are no miracle cures and if you were to sparkle that at me or someone like me in person, you would get the same tongue-lashing that I bestow on tactless, factless people who tell me to take fish oil and exercise because it cures everything. Don’t you think I’ve tried everything – all the crappy ‘home remedies’, diets, supplements, yoga etc? It’s not pleasant to live like this.

Before you write another article and mention the word depression, do some bloody research first. You can start here and read what not to put in your article. Then you can research some women with PCOS and disabilities. Don’t assume every woman reading your site is able-bodied. Then curb your suggestions and remember that not everyone is middle class. More women live in poverty than not. Most women cannot afford a personal trainer. And never, ever write that x cures depression or x cures PCOS because it just ain’t true.

Friends are forever? Nah

I should probably refrain from posting with drunk but on Saturday I got really pissed off at BG. He sent me a text after I left “The other place” asking why I ran off. I responded with a why do you give a shit. He said that he did and goodnight and all that.

I don’t think he gives a shit. During my dark months, he never called. He was not in Hell for part of the time and did try to contact me upon his return but still, he like so many others abandoned me to my depression.

Friendship is a very complex issue and requires diplomacy and tact to safely navigate through the murky waters. But then you meet someone and something goes click. There is a strong connection between you are Friend A. You pour out your heart. She pours out hers – taking quite a bit more time. You ooh and aah over each others’ troubles and successes, work and life, love and death.

You comfort her when her boyfriend dumps her. You plot revenge on the dumbass. You listen to the minute details of every aspect of their relationship for the past few months for the 10th time. Time passes and she gets better.

You fall into a depression but she never comes around. You go on holidays together but she is highly unsympathetic. You wonder who this fucking bitch is and what she has done with your friend. And then you have a fight and everything explodes.

She is sick of taking care of you / it’s her holiday / no consideration / so immature / etc. You feel this is unjust and mention that you were there for her at every moment since the friendship began. Then she cuts a little crueller – fat bitch. You accept yourself and she knows this. You know her only motivation her is trying to hurt you. Stupid. Once you reclaim the word fat, it can’t hurt you any more. So all her words meant were – I want to hurt you but am too incompetent to do it right because I never paid enough attention.

Just like that the friendship is over.

Hum it appears I totally drifted from the post, which was supposed to be on fair weather friends. Maybe I’ll do that one tomorrow

Fucking doctors

I know that in a lot of ways I am very privileged to have access to insurance and everything but I gotta rant for a bit because I’m going even crazier and I don’t know what to do.

My shrink texted me for an appointment when I got back from holidays and I replied with yes please. No reply for five days. So I text her again and she can only fit me in but only during my working hours.

Luckily I’ve got a very decent boss who gives me the time off and who found me alternative work to be doing. My work is very triggering. I deal with rape, murder, genocide and child abuse, some of which includes graphic photos of dead people. Work led to PTS which led to depression.

I confirm the appointment with that bloody shrink and she writes me back saying that she heard that my insurance pays $1000 for headshrinking and now she’ll going to charge me over double what I already pay. The truth is that my insurance will repay me up to $1000 a year. I’ve already “spent” over $1000 on therapy in the past three months. Insurance takes over five months to repay and then I’m screwed on the exchange rate $ to €. I’m a frakking volunteer. I get paid enough to live on just about.

Now I have to decide whether it’s worth paying out of pocket and try and explain the situation. Even if she keeps charging me the regular amount, it is a serious drain on my income. I feel like she is taking advantage of me. I’m fucked up and living in a fucked up country and she has a monopoly on head shrinking.

The therapy is good, mostly, but her answer to everything is to keep jacking up my Zoloft and to pass my insomnia issues along to the prescribing doctor.

That fucking doctor is getting on my tits as well. Not only does he believe that he knows more about me than I do but he keeps pushing WLS on me even knowing that my fatness in caused, in part by PCOS. I had a polite rant to him a few weeks ago and now he just writes me prescriptions. I just need the scrips to get refunded from my insurance cos I can get all my drugs over the counter. In fact I was so angry with him that I just kept buying Zoloft and didn’t go near his office for months.

When he was writing my latest scrip for Ambien, he prescribed too low a dose and proceeded to lecture me on possible addiction. I asked him for the millionth time if he had an alternative. He just said that my body needs to adjust to the drugs, which is what he said last time and the time before that and the time before that. That fuckwit is assigned to my organisation so I don’t have to pay the consulting fees but it does mean that I can’t afford to switch to a doctor who gives a flying fuck.

It’s been almost four months and I still can’t sleep. Done all the usual insomnia cures. I’m considering asking someone hit me over the head each night.

I really don’t know if insomnia or developing an addiction to sleeping pills is worse.

I feel totally vulnerable and cheated. I’m really angry. I’m smoking like a chimney. Really don’t know what to do. So tempted to never go back but I’m completely fucked up mentally. My friends are there for me when they can be but I’ve no family here and I get harassed (pointed at, laughed at, asked how many kilos I weigh,) and there is a constant threat of violence (women have been robbed at gun point and knife point near my office and my flat) every single time I leave my house.

Troll

Got a troll – lose weight she says and then you won’t spend time crying into your pillow. How delightfully considerate? Why have I never thought of that? Oh yeah because I have. Losing weight with PCOS is about as easy as breaking the law of gravity, so you can fuck right off. I go to the gym each day and restrict my eating and the scales don’t fucking budge. I’m fat and there’s nothing I can do about it. Mostly I’m fine with it but I’ve have a rough couple of days and your concern trolling does not fucking help.

Stood up

I feel abandoned, lonely and utterly sad and I can’t tell anyone. I’m about to cry at work like I cried myself to sleep last night. The sad songs didn’t help.

Doc stood me up and I got to thinking about the lack of men that have been interested in me. I realised that exactly three men offered me a second date after making out once – Spanish guy, my rapist and F. Spanish guy called me once about one month after we shagged and never called again after our second hookup. My rapist raped and then dumped me. F still sends me sweet texts but over 10 000 miles separate us and he has a girlfriend.

The truth is that I have never had a relationship. All my sex has been with one night stand, except F. He is the grand exception to everything – he didn’t immediately hate me after sleeping with me. With F it was a sort of relationship even though he was shagging Romanian girl at the same time (as far as I know. He denied it but I’m not a moron). We snogged after he gave me a rose and walked me home and then didn’t see each other for two weeks – work, he was sick etc but texted and emailed daily. Then we shagged. He left the country. He came back and three hours later, I left the countr, never to return. And now he’s back with his ex. The only man who could stand to keep in contact with me after we had shagged.

And Doc, charming Doc – allegedly in love with another woman. She denies it. Doc who when he meets me talks to me all night but never tries to kiss me. Doc who cancelled dinner last night because of a meeting with his boss but was supposed to call me for a drink later, didn’t. I got stood up. I waited and waited and watch Bridget Jones II and Phat Girlz which made me cry. It always makes me cry because all it tells me is stereotypes and that if I ever want a want, I have to go to Nigeria. Well virtually all the Nigerian men I’ve met are not respectful and for me that is a deal breaker.

On top of everything else, my friends are dumping their problems on me. Oh boo fucking hoo. Build a bridge and get over it. “Oooh my boyfriend got me pregnant, lend me $1000 for an abortion”. “He doesn’t want to sleep with me”. “Do you think my girlfriend’s cheating on me?”. At this stage friends, I don’t give a flying fuck. Yes you spend the token five seconds on “how are you DS?” But I don’t thinking anyone realises that I’m close to tears constantly and cry myself to bed at night. If they knew, they would dismiss it because who cares about the feelings of a girl who’s too fat to fuck; a girl who’s always complaining that she can’t get laid; who would want her anyway.

That’s why I cried myself to sleep last night and Friday night and so many nights in the past. Friends don’t actually believe I could ever attract a man and I’m afraid that the passage of time is proving them right. I’m everyone’s best friend – funny DS she can take a joke and all of our shit all the fucking time. I don’t know whether to hibernate or escape. Have to decide soon with the holidays coming up.

Doc spoke to me about it and told me that people have to stand alone as well and that I can’t be a crutch for the world. How right, bright and beautiful you are Doc but you still stood me up, with nary a text of explanation. I gotta assume that you don’t give a flying fuck about me except to fuck me around.

God I’m so lonely and my head hurts from crying and lack of sleep.

Met a boy

Met the man I want to marry. I never say that. I never think that. This house of cards will come crashing down around my ears soon because nobody wins the lottery. He’s younger than me by three years. He’s my intelligent, funny, so-pretty-it-hurts, considerate, kind doctor. Won’t my mother be happy at the idea of my seeing a doctor. But I’m getting ahead of myself. We are not dating. We talked.

And what a wonderful conversation it was too. He’s witty and intelligent and smart and oh my God he’s perfect. Not perfect perfect but perfect for me perfect. I heart him. I want to marry him. K proposed on my behalf and he yes’ed. I just hope he calls.

The rational part of me says that there is no way that a person wins the lottery like that. He is everything I want in a man and so pretty. He couldn’t possibly like me back – no one gets that lucky. So when this comes crashing down and I’m locked in my room crying my heart out, I remember to reread this:

At this moment I am happy. Doc spent 4.5 hours talking to me at the party. The entire evening, he talked to me. I am happy. Remember this moment!

I write this for myself to remember that I was happy, when this inevitably crashes into oblivion. I can’t believe that things would work out so wonderfully for me – I got through the second round of an extremely competitive recruitment and a pretty intelligent boy talked to me all evening. Can I be that lucky?

I should have taken the lift home with him but I was so happy that I wanted to party longer. He made me happy. Of course I was a miserable git as soon as he left (that I had not taken into consideration).

Happy now. He texted me last night.

Hi DS, hope you had a nice weekend. I was working today and having a sore throat. Have a nice week. Take care.

Not the most passionate text in the world but he didn’t have to send it and he did. That’s what counts. My thoughts are literally full of him. Must try and do some work.

Oh yeah and BG got on his knees in front of me and addressed my tits. He asked me to come and find him when there was a chair next to him. Obviously he’s having problems with the girlf. Not interested

Evans is acting weird. When I was talking to doc, he would come check on me every fragging 20 minutes and then go bitch that I was still talking to the boy, to my best friends. He asked me to visit a temple with him and I refused because of an utter lack of interest. Then he calls Bu to ask her why I don’t want to spend any time with him. It’s not that I don’t but I’ve no interest in doing tourism in a city where I have lived for the past two years, a city I dislike normally. He can’t be jealous, he’s shagging blondie. Get over it, Evans!

I want doc. I want him now and forever and I have never said that before, well since being an adult in any case!

Diet part the second

I am now on my diet for three very successful days. I’m relieved to has arrested my weight gain (bloody PCOS) and I want this to work. If I lose 30 kilos, I’ll not be thin but thinner anyway and then I can eat myself back up to my current 130 kilos and fall into a lifetime of vicious circuluing. Nah I’ll just lose some weight – probably won’t keep it off – who ever does? That’s life!

I don’t want to fail though. I don’t need to be skinny or even normal. I’d be happy with just fat or overweight, a touch of obesity perhaps, but my health with the “disease” requires a reduction in mass. So I do it.

Good luck to me